A journey down memory lane…
"This is from the archives and is titled "22" because it basically explains how I lived at that age.
For a person who was always ecstatic about her birthdays, I didn't even want to get out of bed. I was grateful to Allah for a new year, but I was in a bad place mentally. I was far away from home and broke! I mean, what could a girl interning in a factory 24/7 do?
That didn't stop me from waking up and showing up. I even applied makeup after a long time of staying away from it. I wore new clothes, and I remembered to take a lot of pictures, lol. A few days before my 22nd birthday, I asked the people on my CL to pray for my late brother and for me to be consistent with Salah. I remembered those prayers and repeated them.
I started putting in effort and became intentional about performing all of my obligatory prayers. It wasn't easy, and I didn't get it right immediately, but to be very honest, that was my biggest accomplishment for age 22. Salah was a huge win, still is.
HEALING
It's weird how people see therapists to heal from old wounds but do not acknowledge the fact that the healing process was done by them and their minds. That year, if I was asked, I would have said my heart had a gigantic wound. I told myself that I needed to heal for the sake of my mental health. I shut down the part of my brain that exaggerated the wound (I don't know if y'all get it), but it helped me heal from it faster than I thought the process would be.
<A very funny but touché story, yeah?
I was in this mini-eatery with my friends and sisters, and I froze. I froze and couldn't move any part of my body. I could hear my sister and my friend's voices, but I couldn't move my body. When my brain decided that it was done and was ready to work again, I snapped out of it, and I could swear that my heartbeat was 50 times faster than the rate at which it used to beat at that moment. If I told you it was a boy that made me feel that way, what would you do? Don't abuse me too much Abeg, I be person pikin>
REDISCOVERY
Growing up, I was the go-to person for cultural dances and cultural songs, these things just came naturally for me. I remember that in J.S.S.1, we were asked to read a Yoruba literature and I out-read every other person in class, this made my YORÙBÁ teacher give me a poem to memorise for an assembly presentation. I did do well and it made me the ‘resident Yoruba girl’.
So, I went back to my roots, with the help of a friend, I started something ‘YORÙBÁ pelu Aladuke’, it made me an it girl for a hot minute. It was some sort of rediscovery for me, only that this time? it was wayyy intense. Another important thing? it made me cool cash toooo.
DEPRESSION
If you asked me, I'd say I wasn't depressed, but psychologists and therapists might beg to differ. I was in a very bad place, the worst place you could ever let your mind and soul wander to. It took a long time for me to acknowledge it, but I felt underachieved, I felt like a failure.
I let boy issues and impatience put me in a dark hole. A funny fact is, I wasn't even dating this boy. It was at this moment that the line "breakups with people you weren't dating be doing the most" hit; it hurt like hell.
Might as well use this moment to appreciate a great human. He helped me through the bad times, directly and indirectly; Abimbolu Oluwatobiloba (God rest his soul), lost my baby on the 26th of May, 2021.
So, on my birthday, I think about how I journeyed around the previous age. It helps me know the things I need to work on and the ones I need to not do anymore. I promise that I won't get mad if you laugh about my frozen moment. I'm embarrassed all over."
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